The Day My Life Changed Forever

This post will teach you the value of love, healing and life. It is about my journey in working through trauma and grief. There is also some helpful advice included for anyone who is experiencing a similar situation.

The day I got the heart wrenching phone call,

that mom had lost her battle with cancer, I was in shock and I completely froze.

Mostly, because my state of existence was dramatically altered in that very moment. Time seemed to stand still for such a long time that it didn't move for hours.

Dad was on the other end: "My dear Rebecca, your mom passed on at about 2:00 am in the morning...."

I immediately put my mind into a state of numbness, of nothingness. At least that way, I didn't have to have my heart torn apart by what I just heard.

At first, it was too painful to think, I was in denial. Dreaming of chasing after mom because I didn't want her to go away.

Since she passed on at such a young age, her at 47 and me at 19,

there was so much unfinished business left to be done.

There are so many words and stories lingering in the air for her to hear,

so many things we wanted to share together.

So many phone calls and family visits where I could tell mom about the amazing things going on in my life and my hopes and dreams of where I wanted my life to go.

So many moments that need to be, where she would say: "Rebecca, I am so proud of you, keep up the good work."

The worst part of it all, is the fact that she won't be there to give me a hug and wipe my tears away during the bad times, and seeing her beautiful smiling face during the good times.

It took me a long time (about a year) to heal my emotional pain from this, but that is what I needed to process all of my emotions and feelings in a way that made the most sense to me.

I feel as though I was holding her hand while she left this earth, only last night in my dreams. I can hear her voice word for word, and all the vivid images, on that very last night I saw her on this earth. It was so peaceful that night, as we appreciated our last heart-to-heart, mother-daughter talk and it was magical. It felt so special because we wanted to cherish every last moment together.

This is a normal reaction to a traumatic and significant life event, in which you are on high alert to be in the present moment as much as possible. Your brain will recognize these types of events and store the information in your long-term memory. Once you are ready, you brain will retrieve and re-surface these memories for you to start dealing with them and letting the pain go.

There were a few moments, where she did not talk, I knew her personality was fading into fighting for survival. Dying they say, really changes a person.

We just sat in silence, enjoying the last few moments of peace that mother and daughter get to spend together.

When she did speak again, her voice was soft, but rippled with fear.

She was afraid to leave me and my grandfather, because we were not as emotionally strong as the rest of the family. Her Daughter and Father, were going to have to find a way.

She wondered how we would do, without her. But, of course I told her that we would be fine because I knew that in time, I would be.

I promise you that time does heal, but it is different for each person. Time seems to not exist when I takes such a long time, but one day, it really does get better.

Despite all of this and having gone through such an emotionally damaging experience, it made me a stronger woman.

Remember: There is no right or wrong amount of time that someone should take to deal with an traumatic experience. Take all the time you need and be aware that it is okay to never fully "let it go." Sometimes, it is impossible to let things go completely because of how traumatic an event can be.

From this experience I learned that difficult times in life really do make you stronger after the storm. Overcoming all the pain and heartache is an empowering feeling. To be able to say to yourself:

I got through it and I am doing alright!

Mom taught me the value of staying in touch with family, and how we must love and help each other out, through good times and bad. We a strong and we can endure anything that may come our way.

I hope you can find small moments that spark joy in remembering the good times. Let this be part of your healing journey. Know that they are never really gone. They exist in our hearts, in our minds, in our being and in the deepest parts of our soul. They still do exist, just in a different realm of existence.

-I am open to replying to your comments about grief, or if you are struggling to find peace after a difficult time in your life.

-Please connect with a trusted friend, family member or mental health professional to help you. You do not have to do this alone.

-Rebecca Marie